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I hope you find something here to comfort your grieving heart. Please visit any time.
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The Bookshelf:
BOOKS FOR YOU
Anyone who tells a story speaks a world into being. Michael Williams
Support After Loss
December's Grief: Coping with the Holiday Season
Links
E-mail Christine or Access Secondary Pages
Not all of the books that I suggest get five-star reader ratings at online bookstores; but this proves to me that, like grief, comfort is deeply personal. Not every grief book works for every griever. Keep searching for what you need. The books are on my list because they helped me. I hope they help you, too.
For an extensive book list on grief and grieving, click on Grief Healing from the links below. I especially recommend the books by Marty Tousley, RN, accessed by clicking Articles and Books from her home page.
If you want to read more about death and dying, start with the works of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross or Stephen Levine.
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SUPPORT AFTER LOSS
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1. Akner, Lois F., C.S.W., How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide for Adults, New York: William Morrow and Company, 1993.
Based on a grief therapy group for coping with the death of a parent. Filled with real life stories of sadness and hope. The author shows how it is possible to work through grief and gives practical advice on coping with conflicted emotions about our deceased loved ones.
2. Attig, Thomas. How We Grieve, New York: Oxford University Press, 1996.
Written by a past president of the Association for Death Education and Counseling (www.adec.org), this book offers real life stories of grief and shows us that grief is an active coping process of relearning how to be and act in a world where loss has transformed our lives. Compassionate, with many references to A Grief Observed by CS Lewis.
3. Commins, Patricia. Remembering Mother, Finding Myself: A Journey of Love and Self-Acceptance. South Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc. 1999.
Abbreviated from the back cover: At any age, a mother's death may leave a daughter with feelings of anger, abandonment and profound sadness that taint the way she views herself, her world and every relationship around her.
This book offers a unique path to healing by giving you the opportunity to understand your mother as a woman. Through stories, advice and exercises, you'll gain insight into why negative and positive issues repeat themselves in your life, how much you are like your mother, and why you are decidedly different.
By understanding your mother as a woman who came before you, in the context of her friends, family and the cultural archetypes of her generation, you will be better able to love, understand and accept yourself.
The chapter entitled 'The Traumatic Relationship' is especially helpful if you have complex, negative or conflicted feelings about your mother, living or deceased.
4. D'Arcy, Paula. Gift of the Red Bird: The Story of a Divine Encounter. New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 1996.
I am not the only one who has experienced soulful redbirds. (Refer to the Soulful Signs page.) When the author lost her husband and baby in a car crash, she began a search for faith that was greater than fear. Grief, as she shows us, is an ongoing process.
Eclectic in its approach to spirituality, Gift of the Red Bird is a profound story of loss and spiritual renewal through the power of nature. The reflection guide at the end of the book is useful for individual meditation or group discussion.
5. Fitzgerald, Helen. The Mourning Handbook. New York: Simon and Schuster,
A fireside Book, 1994.
FROM THE PUBLISHERS:
No one should be left to grieve alone.
Even with the help of friends and family, grieving the death of a loved one can be a complex, sometimes overwhelming, process. The Mourning Handbook is written as a companion to those mourners in need of practical and emotional assistance during the trying times before and after the death of a loved one.
Having counseled thousands of people who have experienced loss, Helen Fitzgerald gives special attention to the complex emotions that can accompany especially traumatic situations, such as when a loved one has been murdered, when there have been multiple deaths, when a body has not been recovered, or when the mourner has been the inadvertent cause of death.
Designed to conform to the special needs of the bereaved, The Mourning Handbook is written and organized in an accessible style punctuated by real stories of people who have experienced every kind of loss. With many subchapters and cross references, it can be consulted for a specific problem or read at length.
About the Author:
Helen Fitzgerald is the author of The Grieving Child: A Parent's Guide>. She is the coordinator of the first grief program in the nation established in a community mental health center (The Mt. Vernon Center for Community Mental Health in Springfield, Virginia). A certified death educator, Fitzgerald devoted herself to the field after the death of her husband left her a widow with four children. She lectures across the country on the subject. The success of her program has led to the creation of similar programs nationally. She lives in Fairfax, Virginia.
6. Hickman, Martha Whitmore. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief. New York: Perennial Press, An Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, 1994.
Quiet strength and gentle comfort. The author's teenage daughter died in a horseback riding accident. Eclectic in its approach, the author offers honest and compassionate words for anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one.
Healing After Loss makes a thoughtful gift for a grieving friend or loved one. At $10.00 a copy, it is affordable for most. This is the book I turn to every day.
7. Kaiser Stearns, Ann. Living Through Personal Crisis. New York: Ballantine Books, 1985.
Out-of-print, but well worth the online search. Yes, some of the sources are out of date, but the compassionate advice is timeless.
Written in a clear and jargon-free style by a psychologist, this book is for anyone who is hurting because of loss and for friends and family who want to help those who struggle with loss.
Dr. Stearns writes: "All of us have the rights and responsibilities to take our losses seriously. Grief and pain, when ignored, can do us in, harming us in a dozen ways. Unresolved pain keeps us from being complete. Facing our losses is how we find our freedom again."
8. Kennedy, Alexandra. Losing a Parent: Passage to a New Way of Living, New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1991.
For those who prefer a nontraditional approach to spirituality, this book is a gentle shaman's journey through grief and healing. Written in the new age genre, it is rich with ideas for personal grief rituals and healing the spirit. Do not buy this book if you are searching for a mainstream approach to grief and loss.
9. Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth and David Kessler. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. New York: Scribner, 2005.
REVIEWS:
"Elisabeth Kübler-Ross left us one last gift, and it's a masterpiece. She and grief expert David Kessler have written a modern classic, the kind of book that all of us will want to keep on our bookshelves because we know it speaks to our deepest hearts."-- Marianne Williamson
"On Grief and Grieving is a heartfelt tribute to all who have lost a loved one from a woman who changed our lives by changing our relationship to death and dying. What a wonderful book Elisabeth and David have written."-- Caroline Myss
BOOK DESCRIPTION:
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's On Death and Dying changed the way we talk about the end of life. Before her own death in 2004, she and David Kessler completed On Grief and Grieving, which looks at the way we experience the process of grief.
Just as On Death and Dying taught us the five stages of death -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance -- On Grief and Grieving applies these stages to the grieving process and weaves together theory, inspiration, and practical advice, including sections on sadness, hauntings, dreams, isolation, and healing.
Consistently gets five-star reader reviews at large online bookstores.
10. Lewis, C. S. A Grief Observed. HarperOne. 2001. Originally published in England, 1961, after the death of his wife from bone cancer.
FROM AN AMAZON REVIEW: Clive Staples (C.S.) Lewis joined the human race when his wife, Joy Gresham, died of cancer. Lewis, the Oxford don whose Christian apologetics make it seem like he's got an answer for everything, experienced crushing doubt for the first time after his wife's tragic death.
A Grief Observed contains his epigrammatic reflections on that period: "Nothing will shake a man--or at any rate a man like me--out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself," Lewis writes.
This is the book that inspired the film Shadowlands, but it is more wrenching, more revelatory, and more real than the movie. It is a beautiful and unflinchingly honest record of how even a stalwart believer can lose all sense of meaning in the universe, and how he can gradually regain his bearings. Review written by Michael Joseph Gross
In my opinion, this is a description of grief at its most raw, most profound--and most healing. I believe it is one of the most honest accounts of grief ever written.
11. Van Praagh, James. Healing Grief: Reclaiming Life After Any Loss. New York: New American Library, 2000.
James Van Praagh is a well-known medium and author of the best-selling book Talking to Heaven. Here he shares spiritual messages from deceased loved ones, who shed new light on grief and loss. The stories, along with his personal experiences of grief, help us view loss as part of our soul's evolving spiritual journey--one that will move us beyond the devastating sorrow of grief to a life of renewed purpose.
Besides the death of loved ones, the author looks at all types of loss, including divorce, aging, losing a home or job, catastrophic illness, prenatal death, pet loss and mental illness. There is a question and answer section and a chapter on how to heal after any loss with practical advice, activities and meditations. The writing is heartfelt, wise and compassionate.
12. Wolfelt, Alan D. Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas. Fort Collins, CO: Companion Press, 2001.
A companion book to the one listed in the helping section by the same author. Wolfelt is a grief counselor and writes that when someone you love dies, you must express your grief outside of yourself if you are to heal. In other words, you must mourn. Over time, and with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.
You can turn to any page and take a small step today towards healing with simple ideas such as keeping a journal, allowing for numbness, eating comfort food (within reason), writing a letter to your deceased loved one, and understanding the six needs of grievers.
The author suggests practical ways to outwardly express your grief (mourn) through compassionate advice and simple activities. Concludes with a Mourner's Code which is ten principles of being compassionate with yourself after loss.
13. Worden, J. William. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Professonal. Springer Publishing, 2001.
Why would I place a grief counseling book here? Below is an Amazon reader review that explains it:
"My mother passed away suddenly this past January. I was going through so many emotions I thought I was going crazy, so someone suggested I get grief counseling, but I'm not the group counseling type. Then someone suggested I get a book and I came across this one and it helped me to understand that everything I was going through was normal. It is amazing how everything in that book pertained to me and exactly how I was feeling. I still have a ways to go but the craziness of it all has subsided and I can better deal with things."
So, in a sense, the woman grieving the death of her mother gave herself grief counseling. If you aren't the grief counseling type, either, maybe the book will also help you. I do know that it has a good reputation in the grief counseling field. The book is well-written and easily read.
14. Wray, T.J., Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2003.
Based on the experience of the author and many others, Wray helps readers realize that they are not alone in their unique struggle over the death of an adult brother or sister. She offers practical advise for each stage of the grieving process. The book includes: a search for meaning in your sibling's death; use of a grief journal to record your journey; choosing a grief partner to help you through tough times; and how to deal with the insensitive remarks made by others. The book is warm, personal, and a rich resource of insights and coping strategies.
Author's web site:
www.adultsiblinggrief.com
Unfortunately, spam is a problem on the sibling grief message board above. For a spam-free experience, try the message board at Grief Healing Discussion Groups from the links below and follow the front page link to Death of a Sibling or Twin.
You can also find much information at Griefhealing.com from the links at the bottom of this page. Once there, click Human Loss Links and then Death of a Sibling or Twin.
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DECEMBER'S GRIEF:
Coping with the Holiday Season
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1. Holiday Hope: Remembering Loved Ones During Special Times of the Year. Compiled by the Editors of Fairview Press, illustrations by Randy Scholes. Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press, 1999.
Book Description: A compilation of advice, stories, poems, activities, and even music for coping with grief during holidays and other special times of the year, including birthdays and anniversaries.
Book Review: "An important and much needed addition to personal and public library collections of self-help books for grief counseling, death, and dying." ---Wisconsin Bookwatch
About the Authors: Based on the Holiday Hope program developed by Fairview Health Services. Fairview is a non-profit, community-focused health system affiliated with the University of Minnesota, providing a complete range of services in many settings.
2. Smith, Harold Ivan. A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss While Others Are Celebrating. Boston: Beacon Hill Press, 1999.
From the back cover: "Surviving the loss of a loved one at any time of the year is difficult. And when the grief becomes more intense during the holidays, weeks usually spent celebrating are now marred by awkwardness, unpredictable emotions and conflicting obligations.
With keen perception, A Decembered Grief provides illustrations and insights for those facing grief during the holidays--while emphasizing God's ability to...transform the season into a time of grace and healing."
Focuses on Christianity and the Christmas season, but carries helpful suggestions that can be applied to any holiday. The format is right for grievers: small sections that can be read at any time and in any order.
Examples of the wisdom you'll find here include: setting boundaries; recognizing the uniqueness of your grief; crying if you want to; altering, rather than abandoning, your traditions; unplugging the Christmas mania; honoring the one who died; and how to weigh the criticism you may get from friends and family.
Gentle, practical, compassionate and honest. The author has a clear and beautiful writing style. Consistently gets five-star reviews at online bookstores.
3. Wolfelt, Alan. Healing Your Holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and Celebration During the Holiday Season. Fort Collins, CO: 2005.
From the publisher: "With compassionate insight, this handbook helps those in mourning through what can be the hardest time of year—the holiday season. Mourners will better understand their complex emotions after reading about such topics as honoring thoughts and feelings, creating new traditions, finding ways to de-stress, and incorporating healing rituals into the holiday season.
This book's practical wisdom also covers issues such as decision-making during the holidays and coping with the blending of mourning and celebration. All of the answers and advice in this guide are provided in the popular 100 ideas format that features one idea per page, allowing readers to fully absorb each suggestion."
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LINKS MENTIONED ON THIS PAGE
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My E-mail: TheGrievingHeart@aol.com
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A book should be a ball of light in one's hands. Ezra Pound
© Copyright 2008 Christine Jette. All rights reserved.
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