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I hope you find something here to comfort your grieving heart. Please visit any time.
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The Bookshelf:
HOW TO HELP OTHERS
If you wish me to weep, you yourself must first feel grief. Horace
Helping Others Grieve
Links for Learning How to Help Others
Not all of the books that I suggest get five-star reader ratings at online bookstores; but this proves to me that, like grief, comfort is deeply personal. Not every grief book works for every griever and not every book on helping others is right for everyone. Keep searching for what you need. The books are on my list because they helped me help others. I hope they help you, too.
For an extensive book list on grief and grieving, click on Grief Healing from the links below. I especially recommend the books by Marty Tousley, RN, accessed by clicking Articles and Books from her home page.
To find books that detail helping grievers through the holiday season, click The Gift of Love from the navigation bar to the top left of your screen. Once there, select Gift Ideas from the Heart.
If you want to read more about death and dying, start with the works of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross or Stephen Levine. Visit Books for You from the secondary pages below for books about hope and support after loss.
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HELPIMG OTHERS GRIEVE
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1. Callahan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying. New York: Bantam Books, 1992, 1997.
Written by two hospice nurses, this warm and reassuring book offers compassionate stories of people at the edge of life. When someone we love is dying, it is hard to know what to do or say, but the dying themselves can supply the answers if we are more aware of the special communication.
Through the stories, readers come to appreciate the ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, describe their glimpses of life on the other side, and even plan for their time of death. Readers gain new insight into the leave-taking process and discover the gifts of wisdom, faith and love that the dying leave for us to share.
I found the following passage especially comforting. I hope you do, too: "The most important thing to remember when a dying person sees someone invisible to you is that death is not lonely. Many people fear that they, or someone they love, will die alone. In fact, what the stories tell us is that they didn't die alone and neither will we. Those who have died before us, or some spiritual beings, will be companions on our journey." Quoted from page 97.
2. Crenshaw, David A., Bereavement: Counseling the Grieving Throughout the Life Cycle, New York: Crossroad Publishing Company, 1996.
Children and adults grieve in different ways. If you can get past the stiff academic writing style, the book has excellent advice on helping people of all ages grieve, be they toddler, school age, teen, young adult, middle-aged, or senior citizen. Emphasizes how to offer age-appropriate help. Even though the author writes primarily for counselors, the book is useful to anyone who wants to help a grieving friend or family member.
3. Healing and the Grief Process, Lynn Keegan, RN, editor. Boston: Delmar Publishers, 1997.
Wonderful resource for health care professionals. Covers many types of losses, such as anticipatory grief from prolonged illness. The book presents grief as a deep wound, much like a burn, that can heal with time, but is never the same again.
4. Lauver, Phillip and David R. Harvey. The Practical Counselor: Elements of Effective Helping. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing, 1997.
Leaving theory mostly behind, the authors write in a conversational style and offer a hands-on approach to helping people. Compassionate advice for anyone who wants to be a better listener.
5. Levang, Elizabeth. When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help. Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press, 1998.
From Fairview Press: Insightful text on the unique character of men's grief and how they face loss. Includes poetry and strategies for partners, friends, and relatives.
The book contains personal essays from men about their experience with grief along with the author's own information and observations about the unique ways men grieve and how they differ from the ways women grieve. Straightforward and well-written, Ms. Levang gives a candid and honest portrayal of men and grief. A compassionate resource for male mourners and the people who love them. Five-star reader reviews at online bookstores.
6. Wolfelt, Alan D. Healing a Friend's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Helping Someone You Love Through Loss. Fort Collins, CO: Companion Press, 2001.
This little book offers 100 fresh ideas for supporting a grieving friend or family member. Examples of helping include: buying your friend a blank journal, organizing a tree planting in the loved one's memory, giving a gift certificate to a day spa, and allowing your friend to cry. You can turn to any page and learn how to help your friend right now, today. Concludes with ten essential qualities of a friend to the bereaved.
7. Worden, J. William. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Professonal. Springer Publishing, 2001.
Below is an Amazon reader review that explains why I chose to include this book in my list of books to help others:
"My mother passed away suddenly this past January. I was going through so many emotions I thought I was going crazy, so someone suggested I get grief counseling, but I'm not the group counseling type. Then someone suggested I get a book and I came across this one and it helped me to understand that everything I was going through was normal. It is amazing how everything in that book pertained to me and exactly how I was feeling. I still have a ways to go but the craziness of it all has subsided and I can better deal with things."
So, in a sense, the woman grieving the death of her mother gave herself grief counseling. If your grieving friend isn't the grief counseling type, either, maybe the book will help you better understand what your friend is going through. You do not have to be a mental health professional to discover effective ways to help. I do know that the book has a good reputation in the grief counseling field. It is also well-written and easily read.
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LINKS fOR LEARNING HOW TO HELP OTHERS GRIEVE
All links open new windows.
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My E-mail: TheGrievingHeart@aol.com
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A book should be a ball of light in one's hands. Ezra Pound
© Copyright 2008 Christine Jette. All rights reserved.
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